Shake-n-Bake

This fine young man is a graduate of Highland Park High School, and is the current quarterback at the University of Georgia. He went to Talladega last weekend. Oh, my. (Oh, it's not that bad, but spooning a guy isn't exactly something you want all over the Internet.)

Julio Franco Hit A Home Run Last Night

He's 48 years old. His first major league game was in 1982. He played with the Rangers from 1989-1993.

I wondered if he's lying about his age?

Happy Cinco de Mayo

And now, for a brief history of Mexico:
That's it.

"Can't .....go.......on .......

. . . . only have . . . . couple of . . . billion dollars . . . to make . . . me . . . happy."

Video Fun

I'm torn between learning that (1) I now never want to play lacrosse, or (2) I never want to be involved in a dunk competition involving a trampoline (that has been shown over and over again on ESPN).

Can One Ever Get Enough Of "You Are Not The Father"?

Demi, Ashton, and Bruce

In this month's Vanity Fair. (Source.)

That's really weird. I normally just go out with my numerous ex-wives and their husbands to Chili's.

And Another

I think she was deprived of make-up. Possibly hot. Not sure. (Story.)

Edit: Couldn't help but notice this from the accompanying video.

The Road To Jacksboro Is Green And Beautiful

Lake Bridgeport, uh, not so much.

Your Know Life Has Gone Terribly Wrong

FORT WORTH -- Upset that his 15-year-old pregnant girlfriend had broken off their relationship, a 33-year-old Glen Rose man fatally shot the teenager inside her Fort Worth apartment Wednesday afternoon and then turned the gun on himself, police said Thursday . . . . Two young children -- [the victim's] 16-month-old daughter from another relationship and her 14-month-old nephew -- were in the apartment when the shootings occurred but were not injured, investigators said.

Star Telegram story here.

I'm Going To Bed

It's 82-59 in the third, and if I wake up tomorrow and the Mavs have won, I'll post a pic of myself neekid on a bear skin rug.

When does football season start?

Gay or Not Gay?

The guy on the right in the, ahem, pink shirt is Brady Quinn. He's some stud Notre Dame quarterback who was supposed to go in the top five of the NFL draft last week but fell to pick #124 (or something like that.) Anyway, I have no idea what he is doing in this pic other than to describe it as "inappropriate clowning around if you want someone to question your sexuality."

But the expression of the guy in the middle is priceless.

Source.

More Jacksboro Politics

Full ad here. (pdf format)

Campaign Rule #212: Attacking an entire church is generally not a good idea.

Would It Be Wrong For Me To Hire This Woman? Like Really Fast?

VR (Victory in Rhome) Day

A faithful reader just reminded me that I completely failed to mention that one of my greatest nemises, the Rhome Nazi Cam, may become the victim of the fine folks of Austin. (From yesterday's Update.)

My back and self medication made it slip my mind.

You Know Your Law Career Is In Trouble When . . .

(1) A company sues your client and wins
(2) That company files a judgment lien against some property that your client owns
(3) Later, you tell your client that the judgment lien has been released by the court so it's ok to get a loan against the property
(4) You tell your client that you will need $90,000 from the loan proceeds to deposit with the court as a bond (in exchange for the lien being released)
(5) You give your client the document signed by the federal judge which releases the lien, and the client files the document with the county clerk.
(6) You pocket the $90,000
(7) All hell breaks loose when it is discovered that you falsely created the document releasing the lien and forged a federal judge's signature to it.

And the Denver lawyer admits it all in this pdf letter.

Billy Joel and Christie Brinkley’s Daughter

Rare Pic From Last Year's Event

CINCO DE MAYO MIXER – The Decatur Chamber of Commerce hosts its May mixer this afternoon from 4-6 at 1705 FM 51 South in Decatur. The event will feature food, drinks, music and door prizes.

(Ok, it's not a pic from last year's event. I lied.)

Add Another Hot Teacher . . .

. . . to the list.

"Where In The World . . .

. . . is Matt Lauer" finds him in Dubai this morning. Amazing. They just featured the ski dome which is rumored to be recreated around Alliance Airport. Don't know if it will ever take place, but it's cool.

Kinda Funny

When they filmed "Leave It To Beaver", they never dreamed of pausing two seconds of an episode on TIVO.

"Derailed"

I saw this movie a few months ago and didn't think much of it. Since then it keeps popping up on HBO and I find myself hooked ever time.

Liar

Mark Cuban said yesterday that he wasn't concerned that the Mavs were down 3-1 to the 8th seeded Warriors. "I stopped worrying as much when my kids were born," Cuban said. "It put things in a lot of perspective."

For almost 99% of the population, I wouldn't doubt such a statement. But with this nutcase, I do. I think the guy go into the fetal position for weeks if they lose tomorrow night. And I'll swear he said on HBO's Real Sports in February that he didn't leave his house for weeks after the Mavs lost to the Heat in last year's final. But for the life of me I can't find a reference to it on the web.

Compassionate Conservatism

Would the law require the doctor to also strap the mother down, pry her eyelids open and scream, "Look! Look!"?

Story.

All Britney, All The Time

Brit performed at the House of Blues last night. Jerky video here. But the big news is that pics of her covering her yahootys with nothing but flowers are all over the celebrity web sites today. Since I'm offended by such smut, I refuse to link to them (although you see more skin in a bra commercial), but you could probably find them if you looked for thesuperficial.com or wwtdd.com. But I know you won't.

I Did Not Post My Second Pic Of Kate Bosworth For The Second Day In A Row

I Think We've Gone Weather Crazy

For the last 30 minutes, as I contemplate how my bad back could hinder my chances for qualifying in the 2010 Olympics, I have had to listen to David Finfrock on Channel 5.

There is not a tornado. There are not 60 mph winds. There is no hail. There is no plague of some angel coming to kill my first born. We just have a bunch of thunderstorms coming through the area. For that, Channel 5 throws everything planned for their 6:00 p.m. news in the toilet and goes All David, All The Time. Kill me.

My Obligatory Pic Of Jacksboro

From this morning.

Sad news

Just heard that former Decatur and Jacksboro distrct judge John Lindsey has passed away.

I'm Off To Jacksboro . . .

. . . . with a hundred ibuprofen and my car's seat warmer cranked up on high regardless of the temperature. I might rip out my L4/L5 by the time I get to Wizard Wells.

In A Long Story About A Civil Judge . . .

. . . in Fort Worth possibly making racially insensitive comments, I was more taken aback by these:

The judge said he wants the plaintiffs to get their money, but he also wants them to think about going to trial and turning down a settlement offer. He said he was just trying to be helpful . . . . "I'm trying to help these people get a good settlement. And they took it," Keis said. What is he? An advocate for the plaintiff?

I'm Delerious From A Legalized Controlled Substance

I just heard these girls say, "Beeeeaaaarrrreeeee, we'll take care o' yew!" If I hop in bed quickly enough, I might be able to meet them at Rodeo Exchange in my dreams. Good times. Heck, I'll even dance to AC/DC if that's my only option. And I might just bow up to the redneck in the corner. Yeah, you! Watchu lookin at, plowboy? . . . huh . . . getting sleepy. . . losing life force . . . .

Now That's What I Call A Tease

I dog the Messenger when it needs dogging. But I'll praise it when it has some good stuff. Check out this sports column tomorrow by Robert Morgan. Definitely good stuff.

Edit: Story here.

I Rarely . . .

. . . just link to a news story and say "read it" but this one is fascinating. I find it interesting because: (1) I don't know how the defense can win that case. I'd have my guy plead guilty and make it a punishment trial. (2) It's fascinating that both the defendant and the victim had been at Michael's in Fort Worth before the accident - that restaurant/bar is known to be a tad bit "uppity" and, although I'm a fan of "uppity", the two times I've been there I found it BORing. (3) There's a Lisa Mosier named in the story. I met an extremely attractive Lisa Mosier from Fort Worth several years ago through a buddy, and I've got an email into him to see if it is the same person. (The last time I saw her was in the Backstage Club at the Stock Show. Which is particularly shocking to think I've ever been in the Backstage Club at the Stock Show.) And my back still hurts.

If I Can No Longer Jog

Stolen from C4U here, but I think its a funny pic.

Lap Band Surgery Can Turn You Into That?

Yahooty. (From today's Dallas Morning News, p. 14A.)

Oh, My Aching Back

So I finish going over the plea papers with an inmate at the courthouse this morning. After having done a stellar job of explaining what those 15 pages meant, I stood up. At that point, I felt like I had been shot in the back with a lawn dart. I couldn't move. I grabbed a pillar for support. Man, my back hurt and I didn't know why. But the inmate saw what was happening. "You OK, man?" "You, OK?". He even reached up to grab me in the event I tumbled over like an old man. The irony did strike me, however. The inmate had just signed up to do 4 years in the pen for a couple of burglaries. And he was concerned about me.

People Aren't Mature Enough For Live TV

Warning: One prominently placed F Bomb.

No Words

This photo was featured on ABC's World News Tonight. (Background.)

Saw This Full Page Time Waste In The Star Telegram Today

I would like to distance from Paula White. (Ad here.)

Quizno's Part Deux

So I get some gas at that 7-11 at Western Center Blvd. and I-35 and get claustrophobic about how tight it is. I hate driving around in that place because its almost impossible to maneuver.

Then I spot this concrete base of a light post that has been beaten to death. I've almost backed into it myself a time or two.

I Guess We All Handle It Differently

Awful story in the Star Telegram about this pregnant Anna ISD kindergarten teacher who was killed in an auto wreck this morning.

But, at the risk of sounding callous, this line from the story bothered me: "Dallas lawyer Scott Palmer, who has been retained by Selkirk’s husband, confirmed that the teacher was 15 weeks pregnant."

One of the first things you do is retain a lawyer?

Edit: Didn't post one comment of a fictitious conversation between lawyer and client in this case. That, sir, was simply way over the top.

A Penny For Your Thoughts

After the driver's license hearing, I stopped by the Quizno's at Western Center Blvd. My bill came to $7.01 and the cashier nicely asked me if I had a penny. I fumbled through my pants and found no change. He then looked down at the "take a penny/give a penny cup" and saw that it was empty.

So I ended up with him giving me 99 cents in change.

Sheeesh.

Death Trap On The Way To Fort Worth

These pics don't do it justice, but I bet this "pole" (or whatever the heck it is) extended a good 10' off the rear of that truck. And it was head high.

I Learned Something Very Important On Saturday

The next time I'm sliding upside down while driving down 287, do not get into the grass. And what is up with all the fans throwing beers bottles at Jeff Gordon yesterday? That sort of thing should only happen in Europe or if Decatur beats Bridgeport by more than 20.

Where In The World Is Matt Lauer

The Today Show has started up the "where in the world" series this week with Matt Lauer's first stop being at the Boeing manufacturing plant in Washington State.

But I stopped down this morning when they showed Matt flying a simulator for a Boeing 767 (or something like that) with the music of Ludacris' "Move, bitch, get out the way" playing in the background. Yep, they dropped the "bitch" from the lyrics but it was kinda odd.

That's A Mess

The bridge that collapsed in San Francisco this weekend.

More pics here.

Google satellite of the mass of freeways at that location is here.

It'll Be All Right, Avery. I'll Hold You.

It would be a miracle if the Mavs can win three in a row to get out of this debacle, but if they don't, the window for an NBA Championship has closed. Every team probably has a peak of three to four years. Last year might have been the best chance ever. Considering this year's disaster, next year won't be any better.

Edit: And don't rule out God punishing Mark Cuban for this.

Unstable On A Couple Of Levels

A baby, held by an amateur sumo wrestler, takes part in a baby-crying contest at Sensoji temple in Tokyo April 28, 2007. Eighty-four babies born in 2006 took part in the event, which is held to pray for the babies' health and growth. The winner of the contest is the baby who cries the loudest. REUTERS/Toru Hanai (JAPAN)

Not Much News This Morning

Mavs lose. And Kate Bosworth (although I'm really not sure who she is) went swimming.

With The 112th Pick In The Draft . . .

. . . the Pittsburgh Steelers select Baylor punter Daniel Sepulveda.

Pencil them in for Super Bowl. That man has had to punt, according to my calculations, 7,697 times for Baylor. God has blessed his thigh.

Cuban On Suicide Watch

"If we lose [today], this season is pretty much over," Dirk Nowitzki said Saturday.

Man, this could be the biggest collapse in Dallas history. I'm still not convinced it will happen, but something is definitely wrong.

Central Expressway De-Greened

Crews have begun removing shrubbery in the medians due to cost of maintenance. Kinda sad.

When I worked in Dallas in the late 1980s, I routinely drove up and down Central. Back then it was two lanes each way with entrance ramps about as long as a typical driveway. It's amazing now.