Hello, New Mrs. Green

PORTSMOUTH — When Britta Osberg’s ex-boyfriend asked her to return a ring, she punched him in the face twice, leaving the ring’s imprint on his cheek, police allege, reports the Portsmouth Herald. Based on those allegations, Osberg, 19, of 110 Perkins Road, Rye, is scheduled to be arraigned in Portsmouth District Court Monday on two class A misdemeanor counts of simple assault.

She would be perfect for me. For years I've been posting pics of scantily clad women and not showing the females of Wise County the respect they deserve (or so I'm told). This girl would not put up with that and, she'd have me on the straight and narrow so fast my head would spin. I mean, if I posted a Tuesday After Noon Pick Me Up, I know I had have the business end of a frying pan waiting on me when I walked through the door that night. That's love. Baby, I've waited a long time for you. And you've got to like any chick babe lady* who will post her own mugshot on her Myspace page. She's got spunk. My pastor is gonna love her. (All of her Myspace pictures and, man, there are a ton of them, can be found here.) But her myspace home page is here. And, if I may, please let me go on a rant even though I'm all a flutter having found the true love of my life who, as a bonus, is less than half my age. How in the world did Myspace ever become a hit? I mean, look at her page. It's a mess. You can't read crap. You can't see crap. And her's is better than most because I don't have some gawd awful song blaring out of my speakers. I hate MySpace. I hope that's not a deal killer with her. _________- *New respectful terminology.