Weekend Reading

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Above The Fold

Marketing 101 In Austin

I had no idea I was doing it wrong.

New Warning In The Wise County Courthouse

I'm Still Learning Life's Lessons

So on Thursday night, as I'm about to go to bed very early, I hear "Ohhhh!!! It's soooo cute" coming from Mrs. LL as she looked at Facebook. She was on some dog shelter page of some metroplex city -- Irving? North Richland Hills? I have no idea. The Girls In The House rushed to the screen and reacted as you would expect.

The cause of this ruckus? What looked to be almost a full blood Yorkie that was on doggie death row. It was cute. Very cute.

And here is what followed.

Kids: "Can we get her?"

Me: (Very smugly because I know everything): "There is no way someone won't pick up that dog. We paid a krillion dollars for ours. It'll be snatched up in no time."

Kid #1: "But what if it isn't?"

Me (Feeling very confident): "It'll be gone tomorrow."

Mrs. LL (as skillfully as Racehorse Haynes): "But if it is still there, can we get it?"

Me (Feeling a slight panic realizing my bluff had been called but deciding to go all in): "Absolutely."

Kids: "Yeeaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!"

Me: (Heading upstairs knowing I'm the smartest guy in the room).

So yesterday Mrs. LL sent me a picture of me and The Family Pup saying, "This is such a good picture."  I replied that the dog was better looking than me. She sent back the above picture with the message, "Not as cute as this girl."  I thought that was a cute picture of The Family Pup.

I could stop right here because you know what happened. When I got home the house was empty so I decided to check on The Family Pup in the back yard. If I could have anything, I want a picture of my face when I looked down and saw two of them. I had completely forgotten about the above conversation, but it came rushing back to me at the speed of light.

Random Friday Morning Thoughts

• Couldn't decide.
• Hot justice opinion: If Jodi Arias is acquitted, which seems extremely unlikely, it will happen because of one thing -- the jury has been infected with the Stockholm Syndrome because of listening to her for so long. 
• When I mentioned that theory to Mrs. LL last night, I called the "Stockholm Syndrome" the "Helsinki Effect" which is the title of some obscure book from 2001. I have no idea how my brain works. 
• Daylight Savings Time this weekend. 
• The news broke this morning that the unemployment rate is now at a four year low of 7.7%. Combine that with the stock market at an all time high and what we have here is what we call A Republican Nightmare. 
• A non-story: The indictments against the Grand Prairie teacher who allegedly  hit the kid and then took off a couple of months ago were voluntarily dismissed by the prosecutor. Why? The defense filed a motion to dismiss them because they didn't have an opportunity to present their side of the case to the grand jury as promised by the prosecutor. That's a dumb motion. It would never be granted. That's a publicity stunt. But the prosecutor then dismissed the case and will present it to another grand jury, not because they had to, but to counter the publicity stunt. "This office is all about credibility and doing the right thing," they said. 
• For some reason, I'm close to putting Justin Bieber in my Nancy Grace/Ann Curry/Sheriff Joe category. 
• I drug my parents to an office in Bridgeport in 1996 to show them the Internet because I thought it was the most amazing thing I had ever seen. In 2013, I still hold the same belief.
• I've never felt so old: Today is the 30th anniversary of the birth of New Order's Blue Monday. Still love it. 
• Ted Cruz is going to be solid gold entertainment -- until Texas ultimately becomes a blue state. 
• A moment that made me pause as I scanned the Update this morning: "NO SERVICE is scheduled for Sandra Berneice Cagle, 69, of Wichita Falls. Coker-Hawkins is handling arrangements."
• I bought an iPad this summer with a great deal of trepidation. Verdict: I love it. I hardly use my laptop at home anymore. 
• Heard on The Ticket this morning that a new college football rule is that the quarterback will no longer be able to spike the ball to stop the clock if there is less than three seconds left. Really? What is the purpose of that rule. 
• Speaking of a "Motion to Dismiss" an indictment, that request cannot be honored in Texas criminal law except in the area of Speedy Trial violations. Prediction: The trial court dismissing the case in Dallas yesterday after DA Craig Watkins refused to testify will be reversed. 

Just In: Chico Man Sentenced

Jury convicts Jeremy Sturch of intoxication manslaughter & sentences him to 10yrs probation & $10,000 fine in death of Michelle Lightfoot
— GET THE LATEST (@TarrantDAOffice) March 7, 2013

Man, that's been a lot of probations in Intoxication Manslaughter cases lately.

(That time stamp is screwed up. This tweet came out at around 3:30 p.m.)

Jerry Was Just Slaying It Last Night In Little Rock

Trial Lawyering Like Nobody's Business

Some law firm paid the Texas Lawyer magazine to send out this email blast that I just received. Holy cow! $30 million!  How bad of an accident was this? Was someone maimed? Killed?

Nope. The verdict was against a small welding company for "negligently" setting a fire that burned down 42 condos.  That's not particularly exciting. And get this: The small company had a liability policy of only $100,000, and the company offered that amount to the Plaintiff's lawyer from the beginning but he wouldn't take it. Now he's got a $30 million judgment he'll probably never collect.

Attorney Tony Buzbee said the verdict sent a message to out-of-town contractors, many of whom were accused of taking advantage of island residents after Hurricane Ike. "Don't sell us a bill of goods and don't lie to us," Buzbee said.

Message received! Check that. Paid advertising email received. 

Dallas DA Thrilled To Be On Stand Right Now

But he ain't talking.

Random Thursday Morning Thoughts

• Another gas leak. Another house destroyed. This time in Lake Highlands.
• There was a hit (a cop car) and run last night in Dallas. But check out the guilty vehicle -- an El Camino with tricked up wheels. 
• I was explaining what a Molotov cocktail was last night when it occurred to me I didn't know why it was named that way. And I've yet to search the Google for an answer.
• Senator Rand Paul conducted a filibuster last night in the Senate over the issue of drone strikes against U.S. citizens on U.S. soil.  But that was the worst filibuster ever. First, he quit at midnight which is hardly an Herculean effort. Secondly, other senators got to speak at length so Paul didn't even have to work that hard.
• I think the U.S. would never do such a drone strike. Then again, the government kills a man "armed with sticks" by Lake Grapevine and no one bats an eye. 
• Mark Davis said on the radio this morning that he is actually fine with the federal government killing "enemy combatants" with a drone on U.S. soil in "limited circumstances." Incredible. He said the determination of who is an "enemy combatant" can be made by the "intelligence forces of the United States." Double incredible. "It's a trust issue," he said. Triple incredible. 
• Mrs. LL saved a puppy on the loose last night in the neighborhood.
• Yeah, I agree: The White House stopping tours because of the sequester is nothing but a stunt. 
• Jodi Arias will answer 150 questions from the jury. What kind of kangaroo court system does Arizona have? 
• I watched Bill O'Reilly go off on Alan Colmes from this Tuesday. Man, that guy has an anger problem. He has grown up much from his "Do it live!" days.
• Deion Sanders and his crazy wife are actually having a divorce trial in front of a jury this week. Listen, if your divorce case goes before a jury, one or both of you have serious issues. 
• I never dreamed I would see this headline: "County, private lockups sit empty, drain money as Texas prisoners dwindle."
• Mrs. LL has taken up sleepwalking. Have I mentioned this? Last night she got up, opened the bathroom door, then turned around and walked over and slowly picked up pillows off of a chair and dropped them on the floor as she giggled. I can always tell when one of her episodes is about to start because she will thrash in the bed. 

Definitive Proof That Texas AG Gregg Abbott Is Running For Governor

A couple of weeks ago he posted pictures of him "hunting" (from his wheelchair) on Facebook. Today he posted the above graphic. Source.

Then he posts this tweet which may say more about his understanding of economics than his view of Obamacare. The man is still stuck in 2007. ("RT" means to re-tweet that post for those uninitiated to Twitter.)

RT if you agree with @tedcruz’s plan to cut #Obamacare funding until the economy is growing again blog.chron.com/txpotomac/2013… #tcot #teaparty
— Greg Abbott (@GregAbbott_TX) March 6, 2013

Facebooking and Twittering and Pandering to the Right Wing. At least he's transparent.

"Am I My Nephew's Keeper?"

And if you're going to shoplift, you might want to take the weed out of your pocket.

Story.

Edit (and I do mean a serious edit.)

On March 6, 2013, the Media Relations office was notified of an arrest involving a person, Thomas Lee Watkins III, who claimed he was the nephew of Craig Watkins, Dallas County District Attorney. An email intended to go to Dallas Police Media Relations Personnel only was accidentally sent out to an email distribution list for media outlets. Further investigation revealed that Thomas Watkins is not, in fact, related to Craig Watkins at all. The Dallas Police Department deeply regrets the error and we offer our apology to the Watkins family.

Random Wednesday Morning Thoughts

• I've never seen "The Big Lebowski." I bet I'd like it, but I saw the preview of it while in a movie theater back in the day and it looked awful. That feeling sticks with me to this day. 
• I had the worst "bear trap" moment yesterday with an old friend I hadn't seen in years. Asked her how she was doing. She told me she had cancer. I felt a cross of awkwardness for me but so much pain for her.
• In a non-reported story from a couple of years ago, a defendant in a Wise County misdemeanor case secretly bought the lunch of a juror at Chili's during a lunch break. The juror had seen him in the restaurant and a quick interview by authorities with the waitress confirmed the juror's belief. He's now in federal prison on unrelated charges. 
• BagOfNothing.com wrote today that "I think I’ve only seen two lightning bugs (fireflies) in my life." As a kid, I remember tons of them being around. The woods behind my house would light up with them.  In the last ten years, I've seen one. (And, boy, did I ever stop down and watch that thing for as long as I could.)
• Courtney Stodden was always a borderline "Hey, Now" but maybe not so much now. That what old age will do to you. 
• My update on my new workout routine: It's now a no-brainer. I'd much rather do my old five mile comfortable jog than my new program of 16 reps of 45 second intense exercises. And I never dreamed I'd say that. 
• There's a Campisi's coming to Camp Bowie Boulevard in Fort Worth. You know, I only ate at the Dallas location once, but I loved it. Flashback: But the Dallas location is also associated with the shooting of a major league umpire in 1991. 
• Sports: (1) Why are the Rangers letting this Nolan Ryan vs. Jon Daniels story just flop around? Someone needs to take control. (2) The Rangers will not make the playoffs. (3) MLB's decision to make the season begin with an "Opening Weekend" is a great idea. (4) NFL: I promise that I wrote before UT's Vince Young was drafted that his talent would be completely wasted because NFL coaches wouldn't know how to use him.
• I've never seen an episode of "Downton Abbey" and up until a week ago I thought the name was "Downtown Abbey."
• Now that the NRA is sponsoring the Texas NASCAR race, what are the odds of Ted Nugent making an appearance? I'd say, uh, 100%.
• I wonder how those guys in Guantanamo Bay are doing? What is it now? Over ten years with no trial?
• Mrs. LL is now on Day 8 of her vegetable juice. She's losing weight big time, but, for unrelated reasons, I'll be glad when she's done. My very scientific study suggests that eight days of vegetable juice can make a person a tad bit irritable. 
• I said three years ago I'd get out of the stock market if it ever reached 14,500.  It might be harder to do than I thought. (And I'm not bragging about investment prowess: I'm a guy who  invested in American Airlines, Worldcom, and Enron. Seriously.)

Above The Fold

Maggie The Christian Rapper Has A Message For The Gay

I told you the other day I watched 8 Mile  so I'm basically a rap expert. I'm just glad they filmed that movie before this chick landed on the scene because I'm not sure Eminem would have got to play himself. I think they would have just cut Maggie's hair, put a bandanna around her head, and have her just tear up Detroit with her talent.

P.S. She had me at "propagate".

This Deserves A Tosh.0-Like Breakdown

I'm not saying this is the greatest video of all time, but it is a piece of art. Every time you watch it you see something different. First, the very moment grandma handed that weapon of destruction to the kid, you knew it was going to be bad. Those other kids were scrambling for their dear lives because I bet that kid has a history of just going wild on pinatas. He's after candy and not scared to shed a little blood to get there.  Second, what a blow! Josh Hamilton didn't connect like that for the last half of the season. And then there's the aftermath. The wailing and gnashing of teeth . . . except for that chick at the :26 mark.  If every single guy didn't hit on her after that, they're crazy. She's a keeper.

Random Tuesday Morning Thoughts

Emergency replacement due to repeat

• There was an ad on the radio this morning promoting the Tarrant County District Clerk's passport services. Someone explain that to me.
• Springtown motorcycle death.
• I'm not sure why this hasn't received more coverage, but a Grapevine veterinarian was murdered in Saginaw last weekend. She and a couple of girlfriends had a mini-bachelorette party in the stockyards and got crossways with the soon-to-be murderer(s) when one of the ladies threw up near the murderer(s) car. Bullets into their car quickly ensued.
• Not that it matters, but the vet was arrested last year for public intoxication in Denton County.
• There were a bunch of deputies hauling arse to Rhome around noon yesterday. What was that about? 
• The NRA sponsoring the NASCAR race at the Texas Motor Speedway in April is genius. It's all over the news this morning which is exactly what they wanted. But questions: (1) Did the race not have a sponsor despite being weeks away? (2) Anyone seen a guess as to how much the NRA paid? (3) Will the winner of the race be presented with AR-15s?
• spot cash
• Someone on here said it the other day and they are right: Criminal defendant Jodi Arias looks like Houston kid killer Andrea Yates.
• Mavericks coach Rick Carlisle yesterday: ‘If you want to write us off, go ahead.’ Okay. 
• Baylor's Britney Griner broke a single game Big 12 scoring record with 50 points last night. There was no question she was left in the game to get the record, but why in the world was she pulled when the all time Baylor record was 54? I bet Coach Kim Mulkey didn't know that. 
• Any chance Cowboy Josh Brent will receive probation for the Intoxication Manslaughter death of a teammate last year? A Tarrant County jury last week gave probation to a man who, while driving drunk, smashed into a tree and killed two of his passengers. 
• And a Chico man who killed his passenger in a wreck while drunk in downtown Fort Worth goes on trial this week. 
• Downtown Fort Worth doesn't need this: A man was stabbed there last night. Then again, that could have been avoided if he hadn't asked two homeless men where an open bar might be at 2:15 a.m. 

Oh, my

Uh. Oh. Deadspin Is Making Fun Of Texas Tech

Story.

Misspelling or Pun?

Source.

Random Monday Morning Thoughts

• I'm not sure I've ever seen a bigger question mark than the one that formed over Mrs. LL's head when she looked up and saw Dennis Rodman on This Week with George Stephanopoulos.
• I caught most of Office Space this weekend. Still funny. Very funny.
• On Friday evening Mrs. LL asked me "what I had planned" which gave me Slump Shoulders because I'm a bum and did want to do anything but stay home. Her reply? "Hey. Calm down. I'm sitting here in a tank top and sweat pants. You think I've got an agenda here?" Made me laugh.
• Sheriff Joe broke his shoulder and was hospitalized  Even though I can't stand the guy, I was sorry to see that happen. He's 80.
• Nolan Ryan will be out as Rangers president by the end of spring training? (And I love how the Star-Telegram breaks this story in a Randy Galloway column since they have agreements to share "sports stories" with other publications.)
• 85 degrees today?
• I helped (just a little) a guy this weekend who is moving into an apartment since he's getting a divorce. Talk about depressing. 
• Baseball question: This video is all about a pitcher taking out a runner trying to score from third. (Pretty crazy.) But no one notices the guy on second score even though the guy on third gets into a fight and never scores. So how does that go down in the boxscore?
• Anyone see the first episode of "The Bible" on The History Channel?
• Mrs. LL was sad because a teenage relative seemed depressed because she wasn't doing anything for Spring Break (and she's had a hard life -- mom died in a car wreck that she was in.) When I suggested we take her with us for for next week's trip, Mrs. LL teared up. She thought I was sweet. I was thinking that two teenagers will require less of an Entertain-Me-Factor than one. 
• Anyone see the end of the Baylor game on Saturday? With one second left they were tied with Kansas State and throwing the ball in under their own basket. A guy launches the full length of the court, no one touches it, and it goes out of ball. K-State takes possession under their own basket, throw it in, and sink a three pointer. Ball game. 
• I heard about the horrible story pictured below -- and it is horrible -- but what's up with the hat in the wedding photo? Is that some Jewish thing? Amish?