5.30.2014

Above The Fold

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Car Washing Gal In Dress Taking You Into The Weekend


I know what you're thinking: It'll take her forever to fill up that bucket spraying it that way.
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Spokesman News




What took him so long? That guy had to be the worst press secretary ever.
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Grapevine Police Are After This Man




Easy. Case solved. Boom.

Wolf Blitzer
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The Guy Who Wants To Buy The Clippers Back In His Microsoft Days





It's like an unfunny Michael Scott on cocaine.
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Government Creating Crime Again


BOSTON (AP) — Five airline employees were charged Thursday in a sting operation with using their security clearances to secretly smuggle more than $400,000 in cash through Boston's Logan Airport. More.

 Huge deal, right? The Feds have busted some ring which is smuggling cash for drugs or arms out of the country!!!! 

 Nope. It was a set up. The money was all under the control of the cops and part of a sting operation. The guys were paid to bypass security with the fake drug cash. And those big time defendants were all in their twenties with the exception of one who was thirty-one. 

 If you can't justify your jobs by finding real crime, create fake crime. 
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Random Friday Morning Thoughts


  • Well I'll be, the new V.R. Eaton High School in Northwest is named after the father of the Messenger's owner and publisher Roy Eaton. Can't believe I missed that (or knew it and forgot it.)
  • The Log Cabin Republicans (the gay ones) are being refused a booth at the Texas Republican Convention in Fort Worth. The Texas Supreme Court has previously unanimously agreed they can be excluded -- a court that had Greg Abbott and John Cornyn on it at the time.
  • Wait a second, at the PBR Challenge in Decatur this weekend, local "celebrities" Fernando Escobar, J.D. Clark, Beau Bell, Joe Neil Henderson, Jeff Sicking and Wade Watson are going to ride a bull? Do I have this right?
  • What are horrible scene in Arlington yesterday when a car wreck at an intersection carried over onto the sidewalk and killed a baby in a stroller. 
  • One of the people killed in the motorcycle/car accident last weekend near Slidell was Cassie Marlana “Pocahontas” Turner of Ardmore. Here's a photo and obit of her from the Ardmore paper.
  • So Former Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer is willing to pay $2 billion for the Clippers? Two thoughts: (1) The players might want to remember that the next time the collective bargaining agreement expires. (2) That'll teach Donald Sterling!!! 
  • The $2 billion calls into question all of those Forbes "most valuable" lists. Earlier this year they valued the Clippers at $575 million.
  • And speaking of Sterling, he has been declared "mentally incapacitated" which allows for his wife to act on behalf of their jointly owned trust which technically owns the team? No way. He's getting robbed and will win if he wants to fight it. And if the NBA was behind this whole scheme, they've got big trouble on their hands. 
  • I got sucked into the finals of the National Spelling Bee live last night on ESPN which included a girl from Abilene and a guy from Fort Worth (and formerly of Keller ISD) who eventually was the co-champion. It was really good TV. (And the kid yelling "What!" after missing a word became a video sensation.)
  • The spelling bee also reminded me of the great documentary Spellbound. In it, a young competitor having immigrated from India said, as she reflected on the different ways of life, "America is different because in India you don't get second chances."
  • I was excited to have Baylor in the Softball College World Series. That is, until the first game yesterday: They lost 11-0 with the game being stopped in the fifth inning because of the ten run rule which was reached dramatically on a grand slam. What a beating. 


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5.29.2014

Chainsaw Cadillac


A faithful reader was in Denton today and took a snapshot of this.

Looks like something out of Mad Max. (A very dated movie reference.)
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Random Graphic


Created after 50 Cent's first pitch the other night.
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A Perfect Quote For A Horrible Story



A dog was found shot to death in a wire cage Wednesday morning with 10 puppies still nursing, Parker County authorities said Thursday.
Investigators asked for help identifying and finding the suspects involved in the animal cruelty case.
“Parker County does not have an animal problem,” said Parker County Sheriff Larry Fowler in a Thursday news release. “We have a people problem." 
Edit: Wow. Fox 4 shows a picture.



Read more here: http://www.star-telegram.com/2014/05/29/5857138/suspects-sought-in-parker-county.html?rh=1#storylink=cpy
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I Thought She Was Crazy


This really isn't much of a story about a new legal filing other than (1) it confirms my earlier beliefs that she had to be nuts in order for me to feel any sympathy for Deion, and (2) it informs me that she has changed her name to Pilar Biggers Sanders Love El-Dey.


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Random Thursday Morning Thoughts



  • Of the top fifty Texas Republicans on the ballot this Fall, only one is a woman. That's really incredible. I know the GOP is concerned about its relationship with Hispanics but they better worry about women. (The Democrats offer females for Governor and Lieutenant Governor.) 
  • I'm not real sure why Charles Krauthammer seems to be all over Fox News (selling a book, perhaps?) The guy is like a poster child for the Angry Old White Guy who looks like an undertaker simply for entertainment purposes.
  • Two of the three Ladies in the House pronounce "picture" as "pitcher" and it drives me incredibly insane. And I've worked on this for years!
  • How does the Update report an overturned tanker truck near downtown Bridgeport but doesn't tell us the name of the driver or the company? 
  • "Manhattanhenge — sometimes referred to as the Manhattan Solstice — is a circumstance which occurs twice a year, during which the setting sun aligns with the east–west streets of the main street grid in the borough of Manhattan." It happens today. 
  • Mrs. LL was doing some deep cabinet cleaning yesterday and came across a thick book and multiple CD set called "Mastering Spanish" I had bought many years ago. I was thinking about learning the language at the time, so I went all out and bought it. Only afterwards did I learn it probably should have been named "If You Already Are Pretty Good In Spanish But Really Want To Master It". 
  • The Update has a reference to Northwest's new V.R. Eaton High School today. Is that the monstrosity under construction south of 287 about a couple of miles past the Tarrant/Wise County line?
  • And as I was thinking of the number of people that Northwest ISD employs, I also became curious about government employment in Texas. The percentage is 16.1%. Take into account the number in the private sector that directly depends on the government for income (that school, for example, isn't being built for free), I bet government in Texas is directly responsible for 1 in 4 of all jobs. And that's a Texas run by "true conservatives." 
  • Steve Blow of the Dallas Morning News has a column today where he proclaims Texas will go Democratic in the future due to demographics. And he acts like that's some big revelation. If even I've been saying that for ten years, how does he have a job?
  • I'd like to know the number of times I've walked up the Wise County courthouse steps over the last twenty years. And I've amazingly never fallen. 
  • I just learned there were a bunch of arrests in the county early this year for the very odd offense of "illegal horse racing." 
  • Ticket Fans only: The Dan McDowell challenge of Norm Hitzges' proclamation of "becoming a grandfather for the first time" was something to behold. Dan said it didn't count because it was based upon Norm's adult stepson of only two years, who has never lived under the same roof with Norm, had become a father. Dan's radio partner said, "Dan, I think the words you are looking for are 'Congratulations, Norm.'"
  • Crazy lawsuit: Last year a bus carrying senior citizens to an Oklahoma casino crashed on the Bush tollway in Dallas. Three died. Now the North Texas Tollway Authority has sued the bus company claiming that the traffic jam caused by the wreck cost them $100,000 in tolls. 
  • Cowboys: Sean Lee was allegedly at practice yesterday to help younger linebackers. (If I were him, my mindset would be, "My career as a player isn't going to last much longer. Maybe I should start sending messages that I'd work hard as a coach.")


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5.28.2014

Graduation Season


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Maid Of Honor Rap




Vegas has put the line on the chances of the bride killing this bridesmaid at 2:1. Know what has more anger than a woman scorned? A bride who had some floozy try and steal attention from her on her wedding day.

I'm surprised it didn't turn out to be like the wedding in Kill Bill right after Ms. Look-At-Me took her final bow.

Edit: That reminded me that Mrs. LL had a relative send her, unsolicited I might add, a photoshopped version of that movie poster. It's both equally funny and disturbing.


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Careful There, Jazzy

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Uh, You Do Remember How To Do That Right?




Hey, wait a second. "Pro bono?" You doing this for free for poor people? I hope there's no public funding at all involved in these procedures or The Tea Party will want to have a word with you.

(Hey, I gave myself a civics lesson: I was curious if the Senate was in session yesterday since technically Sen. Paul would be on the public's dime while doing the surgeries. I really don't care, but thought I'd check. The Senate, I learned, held a "pro forma session". What's that? "Typically, no legislative business, such as the introduction or consideration of bills or resolutions, is conducted during pro forma sessions, which rarely last more than a few minutes." They are sparsely attended. So why have them? "The official purpose for pro forma sessions is to comply with Article I, Section 5 of the Constitution, which prohibits either chamber from adjourning for more than three consecutive days without the consent of the other." I'll be.)
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Random Wednesday Morning Thoughts



  • Holy cow: Wise County went 76% for Dan Patrick and 24% For Dewhurst. More county numbers here. (We had a 5.4% voter turnout, by the way.)
  • The Tea Party should focus on getting in a three man race which gives them a great chance to get their candidate into the runoff, and then crush your opponent because Tea Partiers will come out in droves (relatively speaking) in that runoff election. That formula, for now, works. 
  • George W had a partial knee replacement yesterday, but wasn't he tooling around for 12 miles on a bicycle just a couple of weeks ago? 
  • There was some crazy tornado video that was all over the news last night, but I think the bigger story were the guys who were filming it who didn't seem to understand that a tornado could kill them. (Language warning.) 
  • The manager of the bar with the offensive domestic abuse/beer sign in Plano has either been fired (per Dallas Morning News) or put on leave without pay (per Fox 4.)
  • The odds of putting a USB stick in upside down is 50/50. Except with me I screw it up about 80% of the time. 
  • The discussion of "I'd rather be happy than right" was interesting yesterday. I was thinking it applies to small things --- kind of an off shoot of "pick your battles." One time Mrs. LL and I got in an argument over the definition of "fast food."  It was silly and ridiculous. And I don't know if in the end I was right, but I dang sure knew neither of us ended up happy. 
  • Sports and Kinda Sports: (1) Everyone was talking about Fifty Cent's horrible first pitch last night. I think I saw ESPN calculate that it was outside the plate by 21 feet. (2) What a ridiculous end to the Rangers game, but you can't run from second to third via left field, can you? (3) #1 seed and defending champion Serena Williams got beat in the French Open a second ago. (4) This is a cool: A chart of heights and weights and what position in sports you'd best be suited for. (5) As Sean Lee was helped off the field, Spaulding was close by in coach's gear. (5A) I think I've got this right: Sean Lee will earn $5.5 million this year and a guaranteed $2.5 million next year. The contract calls for $24 million after that but he'll be cut by then.  (6) Ed Carter Sportsline is still my favorite bit on The Ticket. 
  • It is taking longer than I'd like to exit Afghanistan but at least there's a plan. Unlike when we decided to enter it.
  • Even with all the warning signs, there is no way to stop incidents like the attack at UC-Santa Barbara. (Oh, and here's the "worst right wing tweet" about the incident.)
  • Didn't the Messenger create an online newspaper for Haslet or Justin? Hadn't thought about that in a couple of years, and I can't find it now.
  • "On Monday, Molly Schuyler ate two 72-ounce steak meals at The Big Texan Steak Ranch [in Amarillo]. In less than 15 minutes."  Nothing says Memorial Day like glorifying a a "competitive eater". 



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5.27.2014

Above The Fold

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The Easiest Prediction Of A Win Just Happened







Texas just elected the craziest Lt. Governor in history. And David Dewhurst just cemented his spot as the worst campaigner in history.

We get what we deserve. I'd fasten your seatbelts. The Texas legislature is going to be insane. 
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Step Aside Delkus, I Got This


And based upon the highly sophisticated instruments I have in my office and by looking out the window, I can now safely predict that Decatur is next.
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Pending MRI Sports News

If this turns out bad, the Rangers crazy injury situation just went epic.




And we had an oft hurt Cowboy who gets hurt on the first day of non-contact workouts. Edit: This is sounding bad. Video.


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When Press Conferences Go Wrong



France's Nicolas Mahut was congratulated on losing his first round match at the French Open on Monday by a reporter who got his wires embarrassingly crossed.

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Train v. Truck



And this comment on youtube made me laugh a little:


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You'll Either Care A Great Deal Or Not At All


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This Is An Actual Ad



"Savin' baaaaabeeees. Protectin' laaaaadieeees."

But this may very well be the last ad we see from him. Ever.
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Random Tuesday Morning Thoughts



  • I actually heard some fantastic advice on The Dennis Prager Show concerning relationships. It didn't come from him, of course, but a caller: "I'd rather be happy than right."
  • Mrs. LL is a Brad Pitt fan (surprise) so I had her watch Snatch yesterday. What a fantastic movie.
  • I actually overslept this morning because I jacked with my alarm and ended up setting it to p.m. And that must have thrown my alarm dog off as well.
  • Republicans in general have to be embarrassed by these runoff ads, right? I'd make it a point not to vote for anyone who tried to pander to me by being in an ad holding a shotgun. But that might eliminate everyone on the ballot. 
  • In this atmosphere of being "green", companies like Reliant Energy offering "free weekends" seems counter intuitive.
  •  “I like my beer like I like my violence — domestic.” - A sign in a bar in Dallas.
  • "Whose Eric Snowden?" - Fifth Grader in the house while watching a news preview. Try and answer that one. 
  • Kim Kardashian and Kanye West got married over the weekend. I didn't think he was really that crazy. 
  • Conflict management should be a required course. 
  • The Update should tell us who all the commencement speakers are for the local high schools. At least I'd be interested in that. 
  • I didn't realize how horrific that motorcycle/car crash was on Sunday near Slidell. I'm stunned that there was only one fatality. 


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5.26.2014

Johnny Football In Vegas On Memorial Day Weekend


Hot sports prediction: This guy is going to be a disaster.
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I Mentioned A Year Ago How I Didn't Like These Televised Renuions


And I think this guy has figured out why. An excerpt from the article.

But we didn't earn these reunion moments. They're not yours and they're not mine. Nor, for all the vicarious warmth we feel blasting off of it, do they absolve us. Lots of Americans don't come home.
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Random Monday Morning Thoughts



  • Memorial Day honors not veterans in general but those veterans who have died and then only those who died while serving. There are very few people who seem to know that. 
  • Mrs. LL watched a short documentary on the Jodi Arias trial and we were stunned to learn that she still hasn't been sentenced.
  • I watched the first three episodes of The Americans. It's good, but I'm not sure what all the hubbub is about. Then again, I thought the same thing about Breaking Bad. (By the way, a middle aged Keri Russell is smoking hot.)
  • I keep track of the anniversaries of painful events in my life. 
  • But I remember funny stuff, too. About twenty years ago on this weekend, my buddies and I ended up in a ski boat with some model looking and obnoxious "bro" (a friend of a neighbor) from across the cove. He claimed to be an expert skier and jumped in the water asking that we throw him his "boot jelly" to help him put the ski on. We all looked at each other mouthing "Boot jelly?" Then we spent fifteen minutes in an attempt to getting him up four or five times. Each time he failed. My buddy Joseph, with a huge smile on his face, yelled at him, "Hey, maybe you need more boot jelly!" I still laugh about that. 
  • Rockwall's ninety-one year old Ralph Hall is the oldest ever serving Congressman. He took office in 1963.
  • The new Adam Sandler movie grossed only $14 million over the Memorial Day weekend and has a shockingly low 15% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. I think his bit is done.
  • Mark Cuban waved the starting/finishing flags at Indy yesterday. He didn't have a choice as to which side of the road he was on. 
  • I used to keep track of these events: Car hits parked police car in Arlington. 
  • The guy who killed seven in California over the weekend left behind youtube videos and a chilling journal. He's crazy, but his angst is understandable. 
  • Taking five seconds (or less) to "do" my hair is one of my greatest life's pleasures. 
  • I watched a lot of college softball over the weekend. That's a really good sport. Only seven innings. Compact field. Ridiculous amount of emotions from the players. (Baylor is going to the College World Series, by the way.)
  • TCU has had a rough time in the Big 12 but they won the Big 12 Championship in baseball yesterday. They are really good. 
  • We had a chip put in the Family Pup and Family Cat (why?) on Friday. It's really amazing that we don't do the same thing for humans. 
  • And the Family Cat is going to get brain damage from crashing into the window where we have a bird feeder attached outside by suction cups. Buddy, you ain't gonna catch one. 
  • Obscure funny golf reference I heard on the radio: When once Colonial winner Keith Clearwater made a comeback in the tournament several years later, a commentator said, "Well, that gives come credence to Clearwater's revival." 
  • I watched a little of Slumdog Millionare (great movie) and became curious of the population of India. Found out it was a shocking 1.2 billion -- almost four times that of the U.S. 
  • There's no Update today. Once again, I'm proving I'm the hardest working man in show business.




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