I Finally Have Marriage Advice To Offer

Take your wife back to where she grew up and hand her the keys. Then say "show me what's important to you." Then shut up and listen as she takes you on a tour.

It might provide you some insight and understanding.

That is an insane visual

The picture attachment makes it a candidate for Tweet of the Year

I Love Legal Stuff: New Court Opinion Out Of Fort Worth

The facts are pretty simple. An officer is patrolling downtown Fort Worth and pulls up to a car where there was a passed out (asleep?) girl in the passenger seat. How many times has that ever happened in Sundance Square?  Here are the facts . . .

The officer stopped the car but there was not a traffic violation and there was no illegal conduct to justify the stop.  The officer thought she needed his help because of "alcohol poisoning". Really? Ultimately, she didn't need his help at all. But once he stopped the vehicle, he "simultaneously" conducted a DWI investigation on the driver and arrested him.

The Fort Worth Appeals Court correctly decided that the officer, uh, you can't stop a vehicle for that.

But here is the official position of the Texas District and County Attorney's Association:

So police should have the right to stop any vehicle where the passenger is asleep and the driver doesn't respond to an officer when the driver has absolutely no obligation to respond?

Let's Check In On A Football Game

Holy cow. And that was a college game! The great rivalry of Eastern Mississippi Community College vs. Mississippi Delta Community College.

Story. (Which for now is just tweets from a reporter in Mississippi.)

And some company needs to hire #35. He's the "smartest guy in the room."

This Is The Guy Who Challenged Hillary Yesterday As Chairman Of The Committee

There is so much there. And then you get down to the fact that he graduated from Baylor in 1986.  I was on campus with that guy!

But I do like that tie.

Liberally Lean Weather Center: Let's Fire It Up

Random Friday Morning Thoughts

• It's all about your perspective, but I think the Republicans just made Hillary Clinton the next president by trying to grill her for hours yesterday on Benghazi.  Her poise and retorts made her look, uh, presidential. It got so bad that Fox News actually bailed out of the full time coverage in the evening. 
• I was glued into the hearing and then Mrs. LL smiles and asks, "Can I watch Survivor?"  I laughed and told her to hit the record button and, of course, she could. She then said, "I know this is Idiocracy." And then I got sucked into Survivor and started giving hot sports opinions on who should win and how they should handle the challenges. I like the old guy. 
• One contestant of Survivor appeared on the screen and Mrs. LL looks at me and says, "I met her in Manhattan once." If it is possible for an actual question mark to form in the air over my head, it happened at that moment. But, I'll be dang, she did. 
• The Family Pup has now decided she loves to run around in the rain the backyard.
• I was up at a courthouse office and talking to one of the female workers and referred to her as Darlin' as I was trying to make a point. I immediately apologized because I think referring to a woman as Darlin' is condescending. Another female in the same room agreed. The person I said it to, however, said she wasn't offended at all. We then all argued about it. Another female employee then walked in the room and I immediately turned to her and said, "Hey! If I called you Darlin', would that offend you?" She stopped for one second in confusion, and then said, "Oh, no! I'd like that!"  My daily work life is a sit-com. 
• I don't know why it was posted yesterday in the comments but it made me laugh and smile. It was a quote from Pappy O'Daniel from the great movie O Brother, Where Art Thou. Pappy was running for election and about to walk into a new fangled thing called a "radio station" for promotion. One of his goofy advisers (a son) told him he was wasting his time and needed to be out "pressing the flesh" instead. Pappy told him: "I'll press your flesh, you dimwitted sumbitch! You don't tell your pappy how to court the electorate. We ain't one-at-a-timin' here. We're MASS communicating!" Funny. And he was right. 
• It reminded me of the time that I was down in Austin at the Court of Criminal Appeals fighting with Wise County prosecutors on a misdemeanor.  After oral arguments were over, we walked over to the state capitol building which is a stone's throw away. About five minutes in I thought about how much crap the Texas Legislature throws out and, out of the blue and -- more importantly -- for the sake of comedy, I fired off a quote from the same movie. Ironically, it was from the opponent of Pappy, Homer Stokes, who got bent out of shape when the crowd turned on him: "Is you is, or is you ain't, my constituency?"
• Alison Krauss has great music in the soundtrack of O Brother.
• The killing of the dentist in the Uptown parking garage just got weirder. The prosecutors, based upon the below story from the Dallas Morning News, think the Cartel was involved? 

Hey, Pete Delkus!! I'm Coming For You!!!

Welp, it looks like the greatest weatherman in Wise County history has once again been proven to be deadly accurate (not to mention the hardest working man in show business.)

This was from yesterday.

Hey, look out the window right now Wise County!

Baaauuuum!!!!

The Fort Worth Lawyer Who Does Bits Is Back!

With his "Talons of Justice."

As The Ticket just said (giving him free publicity): "He has embraced Idiocracy."

Hey, Look! It's That Tweeting Texas Judge

Thanks @JusticeWillett for a very scholarly, entertaining lunch. I feel SO SMART RIGHT NOW! #WiseJudge pic.twitter.com/JXHLSCp8eN

— Lauren Luxenburg (@LaurenC_Lux) October 21, 2015

Get Me Dez Bryant's Monkey!

Random Thursday Morning Thoughts

• Sounds like a huge house fire in Runaway Bay this morning. 
• I'm not sure who weatherman Grant Johnston of KXAS is, but you have to really appreciate his prediction of 3.77 inches of rain for Wise County, 4.48 inches for Parker, and 5.16 inches for Fort Worth. Could he be a little more bold and specific? Yesterday I made a joke about the exact time the rain would start but now I feel like a respectable forecaster.
• But it will be big rain: Picture from Odessa last night. 
• I've watched a Texas prosecutors message board for almost two decades. It used to be really informative. Now basically the only thing prosecutors ask is, "Does anyone have a form for . . . . "  That basically means, "I'm too dumb to even begin to do this myself." 
• Joe Biden won't run for president. That makes me sad because I wanted the entertainment. 
• There's an old saying about the youngest person you should date age-wise is "half your age plus seven." I don't think I've ever heard that. 
• Hey, Dennis Prager commenter guy: Calm down. If you want to buy into his crap, knock yourself out.  Joel Osteen has a ton of followers, too.
• Speaking of, Mrs. LL wants me to go with her to a high school reunion and go to a football game. She had a you-are-so-odd reaction when I asked, "At Shotwell Stadium?" (I got to laugh to myself because I could only hear Craig Way in my head when I said it.) 
• Jeb Bush was asked to name his favorite super hero and he went with Super Girl. He had seen her on TV as he was working out earlier that day and said she was "pretty hot".  Ok, now I'm warming up to him. Be yourself. Be a regular guy. 

The Greatest Kickball Defensive Play Ever!

I just wrote "The Greatest Kickball Defensive Play Ever!".  Idiocracy?

(But that was pretty cool.)

Johnny Football's Relationships Aren't Going Well

“He hit me a couple times but please please don’t make it a thing” pic.twitter.com/82jgcmsI0H

— ChrisB (@CBturnedHeel) October 21, 2015

But the fake eyelash observation was either crazy or brilliant. 

And Here You Have Some Marketing Genius

Edit: And what ever happened to Biff?

Random Wednesday Morning Thoughts

• Liberally Lean Weather Forecast: Rain. And I predict it will begin at 11:15 tomorrow. (I made a silly prediction once on here about a cold front that was coming and I missed its arrival by 10 minutes.) But it sounds like there is a ton of rain coming.
• Dysfunctional Family Update: Jeb Bush writes in the National Review that  Donald Trump "[echos] the attacks of Michael Moore and the fringe left" on national security issues. (Jeb got attacked by Trump after Jeb said his brother "kept us safe" as president. Trump pointed out that 9/11 occurred during that presidency.)
• I mentioned on Random Thoughts that I was at a hearing where an officer testified that a guy was wearing "gladiator shoes" and that got his attention. Yesterday I was at the same court and I hear testimony from an officer that the defendant  "was nude at the time of the stop but then he put on women's shorts." I had another Look-Up-Slowly-Larry-David moment.  
• Another headline that makes my head explode: "New Texas law changes school year from 180 days to 75,600 minutes."
• It's Back To The Future 2 day: This is the day Marty McFly went into the future. (I was fascinated back in the day of concept of getting my hands on a sports almanac from thirty years in the future which contained  every score -- and then you go back in time. I'd be living in and owning The Bellagio.)
• One of the funnest things which used to happen to me as a young guy is that people thought I looked liked Michael J. Fox. I had strangers actually stop for second and do a double-take and then tell me why they did it. I'll admit that I loved it. 
• 
• Now I have Huey Lewis stuck in my head singing, "Gotta get back in time."
• Other than as a kid, I never had a dog until five years ago. Now I can't imagine a life without one. 
• Ryan Whitmore “Whit” Klein is listed in the obituaries in the Update. Was there a lawyer back in the 1990s here by that name? 
• Personal note to the those people I met with yesterday: I almost feel like I need to apologize for my intensity. Then again, I've been made fun up because I work myself up so much that I'll come close to shedding a tear during a misdemeanor closing argument. That's what happens when you care about what you do. 

Random Tuesday Morning Thoughts

• At first I wasn't paying attention, but I think I witnessed the greatest moment at a hearing yesterday when a lawyer asked an officer what "brought your attention to the defendant." The answer? "His gladiator shoes." (Picture me looking at my iPad and then slowly looking up with a confused smile as those words rolled out.) He went further and said that footwear was associated with "lewd" behavior.  You know what I thought? "Are you not entertained!!" Yes. Yes, I was. 
• Headline that made my head explode: "Southlake life coach accused of bilking U.S. out of $26 million." Once you get past "life coach" and the amount of money you realize that the government got screwed.  But wait. There's more! The second paragraph of the story starts with "As a self-professed firewalker . . . . " (So she might not even be an actual firewalker?) This world is getting crazy.
• Donald Trump still leads the Republican party race with 27%.  TRUMP! 
• Trump has so much money in the bank that he doesn't even have to raise any funds but he's still collected over $5 million from people who support him.  (But that's nothing for a presidential race. Ted Cruz has begged for money and has collected over $60 million.)
• I wonder who is more powerful: A "drug lord" or a "kingpin"? And which name is cooler?
• I feel pretty good about my last Crazy Sports Weekend when Norm Hitzges does a whole segment ranting and raving about how he saw New Orleans Saints game and an LSU game last weekend. (Sports brag and cue the orchestra music: I did that four years ago.) 
• Mrs. LL turned into Woody Harrelson in Game Change last night as she pointed her finger at me and barked out  instructions and guidance.  And I'll be dang if I didn't look at her and say, "You're right."
• But we had a great moment as I calmed her down by saying, "Yo! Yolanda! What does Fonzie say!? What does Fonzie say!?"
• For some reason I watched an old episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm. Great, great stuff. Larry David is the kind of guy who would hear "gladiator shoes" and slowly look up. 
• Mrs. LL's mother texted her yesterday after she saw my last bullet point. It read, "So your husband is retiring and going to start a meth lab?" (She has a great and wicked sense of humor.) 
• As many issues as current Dallas DA Susan Hawk has, her predecessor continues to catch heat.

I'm A Little Late On This But . . . Wow

It happened in Granbury. The local news stations are giddy about it but here is the full video.

In Response To The Ton Of Questions/Calls About My Last Bullet Point: You Think I'd Do That?

Random Monday Morning Thoughts

• Did I see a Decatur police car decorated in pink? Who paid for that? 
• Last year I made fun of the crooked pink line on the courthouse square. This is what I wrote: "Regarding the crooked Pink Stripe on the Decatur Square that I mentioned yesterday, I got called out by email: 'The line is painted, not by a machine, but by the hands of women in our community, each taking a turn and is an emotional and empowering opportunity for each of them. I have attached a picture so that you can see the faces of the women we celebrate: the moms, aunts, grandmas and friends, for enduring such a difficult time.'"  Not that it matters, but the line is perfectly straight this year. And when I'm stupid, I'll admit to being stupid.
• The last play of Michigan State/Michigan may be the greatest ending in college football history.  I bet I've replayed that twenty times. 
• I came downstairs on Saturday and saw Mrs. LL. watching Sex Tape. (Ok, everyone tap the brakes  -- it's not what you think.). It's a comedy released in 2014 starring "Jason Segel, Cameron Diaz, Rob Corddry, Ellie Kemper, and Rob Lowe." Verdict: Huge thumbs up because that was a cleverly written script. Whenever you have to hit the pause button because you think you just got hit with a genius yet subtle line but the characters keep moving, it's good stuff. 
• Mrs. LL and I went through my "home office" yesterday which has now turned into the biggest storage room in the history of ever. (I think we might have lost a dog in there.) We both came across scrapbooks and mementos from over ten years ago. I found a  20 year old letter from a high school friend who, upon reflection, seemed to be crying out for help but wouldn't come out and say it. I didn't realize it back then. Buried in it was "write me back." I didn't. And I never heard from him again. I walked out the room and said, "I'm such a [jerk.]"
• How in the world can Prestonwood Baptist Church hold a presidential forum and keep its tax exempt status? 
• Advil Cold and Sinus is like a miracle drug for me. 
• I am seriously considering doing something I never thought I would do again. And it would require an official announcement. If I do it, I'll tell you this week -- right here. You know how I always use the phrase of "it's the equivalent of Walter White of Breaking Bad with a machine gun"? That means there's a guy going back to make things right -- and he has nothing to lose.